A traveling salesman ran out of gas near a farmhouse. Knocking on the door, he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I'm out of gas," said the man. "Have no gas," said the Chinese man, "but I can take you to town in the morning. You can spend the night here on one condition: if you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three Chinese tortures." "Fair enough," said the salesman, assuming the daughter must be pretty old too. But down the stairs came a beautiful young woman with deep dark eyes, long black hair and a perfect body. They were instantly and obviously attracted to each other. During dinner, they couldn't keep their eyes off each other. But he remembered the old man's warning, tried his best to ignore her, and went to bed alone. During the night, she barely waited until her father was asleep before she sneaked into his room where they shared a night of passionate, but very quiet, lovemaking. Near dawn she crept back to her room, leaving our salesman exhausted, but happy. He woke to a great pressure on his chest. He opened his eyes and saw a large rock with a note that read, "Chinese Torture #1: Large rock on chest." "Big deal," he thought. "That's a famous torture? I guess I didn't have to worry at all." He grabbed the boulder and threw it out the window. As he did, he noticed another note that read: "Chinese Torture #2: Rock tied to left testicle." Looking down, he saw the rope was already running out. Figuring that some broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out the window after the boulder. As he plummeted down, he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture #3: Right testicle tied to bedpost!"