Jim and Charlie were using the urinals when Jim just happened to glance over. He said, "Geez, Charlie! Has that thing grown?" Charlie said, "Why, yeah, it has. Three inches, in fact." Jim said, "Damn! Three inches? What'd you do?" "I just rub it with butter three times a day." "I gotta try that." A few months later they run into each other again. Charlie asked, "Well, did you try it? Did it work?" Jim replied, "Yes, I did try it, damn you! It shrank two inches!" "Really? Did you rub it with butter three times a day?" Jim shook his head. "Nah, butter's too expensive. I used Crisco." Charlie said, "Well, no wonder. Crisco is shortening!"