Screw Harry Potter. What a REAL 12 year old wizard would do:
-Turn that owl into a Hooters waitress.
-Screw thumbtacks -- put a T-Rex in the teacher's chair!
-Bring about world peace -- through brutal domination with his minions of large-breasted, booger-firing KoolAidMan-bots
-Grow pubes
-Make sure he doesn't develop carpal tunnel from spending too much time "polishing the magic wand."
-Dad's salary: $54,000; Young wizard's allowance: $212,000.